Dating a liar a cheater and a jerk

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Then, ask your partner these questions: Why did you cheat? Next, you have to ask if this is something you can move past.

That doesn't mean you have to forgive your partner or stop being angry.

And when they do, one of the hardest things isn't just repairing their relationship with their partner but dealing with the shame they feel for staying. Pop songs cement it in our brains that when a guy cheats, it's time to slash his tires or burn down his house, not have an honest conversation about the relationship.

Here's the catch: I'm not so direct—my job is to steer the conversation and help the couple decide whatever is best for them. From there you can decide if it seems like it was a good person making a bad choice or a lost person likely to make a string of bad choices.

But you're not my client, so here's my advice: My first tip is to stop thinking about cheating in a black-and-white way and instead think of it as points on a spectrum, with flirting on one end and a full-blown, top-secret affair on the other. Truly understanding what happened is also the only way to build back trust—which you're going to need if you decide to stay.

So it's possible to build a and better relationship after someone has cheated. If, after talking to your partner and being super honest with yourself, you decide to stay together, the next hurdle is telling any friends and family who know about the cheating.

(If you didn't tell anyone, great—but you might want to see a therapist to sort out any lingering feelings so they don't set you off later.) This is where shame often kicks in—because we're told that strong people don't put up with cheating, it can be embarrassing to tell loved ones that you're sticking with it.

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